One weird thing happened yesterday… I woke up in the morning and suddenly I thought… “I wanted to help people in Africa…”But then, I grabbed this small blue book and I was like…”Wait a second…”

OK… I heard from different people that this book is AWESOME, so I decided to borrow this book from the library and read it. It took me probably less than 24 hours to read it (not including activities I did in between). I have to say the book is literally AWESOME!

It’s like I know I’m reading a spiritual quest of a holy man but at the same time I saw this man in me. Lately, I’ve been feeling weird. It’s like I don’t know what I want. I’m not sure if I like it here (Towson, MD) or I like it better at home (Indonesia). I’m not sure if I like the things that I’m doing or should I find other things that are the total opposite of my current activities. I guess, it’s probably just the senior syndrome and it’s me getting homesick.

But, the book, basically, gives me an idea that I don’t have to pick a side in life. So, I don’t have to pick between straight A’s and going out to parties, just for an example =p. I don’t have to like America as a whole to survive. In fact, all I have to do is to appreciate the differences they have here.

In general, I can do both sides of everything as long as there’s balance. In the book, Siddharta said that people change all the time. There’s good and evil in a person (all along), it’s just a matter of which one will come out at a certain time. We as human cannot pick to be a saint for the rest of our lives. At one point, we will commit sins. For example, as much as I want to make my parents happy by getting good grades, I do slack off sometimes (trying to be the perfect daughter is tiring =p). I think as long as we realize what we did wrong, we can always go back to our “saint side.”

The book also teaches me that it’s OK to be confused once in a while (even a holy man can be confused). So, to be honest, after reading the book, I kind of feel better about my unstable thoughts lately. I think it’s just a phase when I’m trying to find myself amongst other people. Well, I hope I can figure out what I want sooner or later. Right at this point, I don’t know what I really want. I am confused. xp

So for now, before I pack my bag and fly to Uganda and rescue child soldiers =p I will do my research first and start with small steps like giving my used clothes to people in needs or just regularly give small charity through a legit organization. If that’s really my passion, I’ll pursue it. If it is not, Siddharta would say “move on… and go figure out once more…”